We’ve all experienced the feeling of seeing a group of your friends hanging out without you, going to a concert you couldn’t afford, or laughing at a dinner you weren’t invited to. The feeling of disappointment seeing others having fun together. “FOMO”, or “Fear of Missing Out” is the term for this feeling of disappointment. Because of social media, FOMO isn’t a rare occurrence but rather something that feels like constant background noise. It reminds you of things you could be doing, should be feeling, or wish you had. While it might seem harmless, it can actually take a real toll on your mental health, causing stress, anxiety, or loneliness. FOMO may be a normal reaction to what we’re exposed to online, but there are steps you can take to minimize its negative effects and keep yourself centered on what you’re doing.
What FOMO Does To Your Brain
When you see someone having fun without you or seemingly living a more exciting life, it’s normal for your brain to kick into comparison mode. That comparison is what triggers some pretty powerful reactions. One key player in this is dopamine, the feel-good chemical that’s released when you experience something rewarding. In social media, that can be receiving likes on a post or a positive comment. Social media platforms are designed to keep you on them for as long as possible by giving you just enough dopamine hits to keep wanting more. At the same time, seeing others enjoying themselves without you can activate your brain’s threat detection system instead. This is the same system that evolved to keep us safe in social groups as being excluded historically was a huge survival risk. Today, that system can overreact to digital
exclusion, making you feel like missing out is dangerous. The result is feeling anxious, inadequate, and sad which repeats in a vicious cycle every time you’re exposed to those posts.
Signs You're Experiencing FOMO
Sometimes the feeling is as obvious as seeing people hangout without you and immediately feeling left out. But sometimes, it can show up in more subtle ways. Some signs you may be caught up in a FOMO loop include compulsive scrolling, mood drops after social media, comparing yourself to what you see online, fear of disconnecting, and overcommitting. Compulsive scrolling is characterized by being stuck refreshing feeds, convinced you’ll miss something if you stop. You may find yourself logging off of social media feeling worse than when you logged in and yet feel a fear of disconnecting and seeing what everyone else is up to. Feelings like anxiety, sadness, or even frustration can be signs of FOMO. It’s also common to start measuring your own achievements, relationships, or happiness against the content you see online which can perpetuate the cycle of FOMO. Lastly, feeling like you have to say “yes” to every plan and overcommitting to things is a huge sign of chronic FOMO. You may be saying “yes” to plans not because you actually want to go to them but because you’re worried about being left out.
Fighting Back Against FOMO
The good news is that there are steps you can take to minimize the hurt of feeling like you’re missing out. While you can’t control what people post online, you can change how you react. Limiting your mindless scrolling is probably the most effective method against FOMO as mindless scrolling often fuels comparison. If you find yourself repeatedly falling into the habit,
try setting time limits on apps, or swapping scrolling for other activities like reading, drawing, or journaling. If you’re going to spend time on social media, try curating your feed. Unfollow, mute, or hide accounts that trigger negative emotions. Instead, fill your feed with creators who uplift, inspire, or educate you. It also helps to acknowledge that missing out isn’t always a bad thing. Reframe FOMO to JOMO, or “Joy of Missing Out”. Consciously remind yourself that not every plan or event is something you’d want to be a part of and that people purposefully only post highlight reels to social media, leaving you unaware of the reality that may not be as glamorous. That picture-perfect vacation might have actually been stressful or that concert may have been way too crowded to enjoy. Instead of comparing, try celebrating others while appreciating your own life. FOMO shrinks when you focus on the good that’s already present in your life.
FOMO can make it feel like everyone is living funner, fuller lives while you’re stuck on the sidelines. This feeling is only fueled by social media, where you’re constantly exposed to everyone else’s perfectly-curated highlight reels. But the truth is that social media only shows fragments of reality and not the full story. What you don’t see are the ordinary, messy, and very real moments that make up most of people’s lives. You don’t need to be everywhere and do everything to be living a meaningful life. By setting scrolling boundaries, reframing your FOMO to JOMO, and practicing gratitude for what’s already in front of you, you can start feeling more present in your life.
